Humour Home

How old are you and how intelligent

Your age?


 Subject: Fw: Try this one
> Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favourite 'fast food' when
> you were growing up?'
> > 'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
> > 
> > 'Except for Fish & Chip shops and we ate it all so unhygenically
> > from newspaper wrappers''All the other food was slow.''C'mon,
> > seriously.. Where did you eat?''It was a place called 'home,' I
> > explained.'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we
> > sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like
> > what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did
> > like it.'By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he
> > was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him
> > the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.But
> > here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood
> > if I'd figured his system could have handled it:Some parents NEVER
> > owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a golf course,
> > travelled out of the country and credit cards had not been
> > invented.My parents never drove me to school. I had my mothers
> > bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed,
> > (slow).We didn't have a television in our house until the Queens
> > Coronation.It was, of course, black and white, and the station went
> > off the air at 10 pm, after playing the national anthem and
> > epilogue; it came back on the air at about 4 p.m. and there was
> > usually locally produced news and everything was live.....or film.I
> > never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party
> > line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some
> > people you didn't know weren't already using the line.Pizzas were
> > not delivered to our home... But milk was.All newspapers were
> > delivered by boys and many boys delivered newspapers--My brother
> > delivered a newspaper, seven days a week. He had to get up at6AM
> > every morning.Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least,
> > they did in the films. There were no movie ratings because all
> > movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing,
> > without profanity or violence (except cowboy films) or almost
> > anything offensive.If you grew up in a generation before there was
> > fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your
> > children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut
> > laughing.
> > 
> > Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?MEMORIES from a friend:My
> > Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December)
> > and hebrought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top
> > was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it... I knew immediately what
> > it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to
> > make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat
> > on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because
> > we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.How many do you remember?
> > 
> > Headlight dip-switches on the floor of the car.Ignition switches on
> > the dashboard.
> > 
> > There were two postal deliveries per day.Trouser leg clips for
> > bicycles without chain guards.
> > 
> > The street lights were turned off at about 11pm each night.
> > 
> > Soldering irons you heated on a gas burner.Using hand signals for
> > cars without turn indicators.
> > 
> > Corona fizzy drinks were delivered in glass bottles by lorry each
> > week, and the empties returned..>Older Than Dirt Quiz:Count all the
> > ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about.Ratings at
> > the bottom.1. Candy cigarettes2. Coffee shops with jukeboxes3. Home
> > milk delivery in glass bottles4. Party lineson the telephone5.
> > Newsreels before the film6. TV test card patterns that came on at
> > night after the last show and were there until TV shows started
> > again. (There were only 2 channels[if you were fortunate])7.
> > Peashooters8. 78 rpm records9. 45 RPM records10. Hi-fi's11. Metal
> > ice trays with levers12. Blue flashbulbs13. Cork popguns14. Wash tub
> > wringers15. Leather footballs, the real footballIf you remembered
> > 0-3 = You’re still youngIf you remembered 3-6 = You are getting
> > older
> > If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age
> > If you remembered 11-14 = You're positively ancient!I must be
> > 'positively ancient' but those memories are some of the best parts
> > of my life.Don't forget to pass this along!!
> > Especially to all your reallyOLDfriends....I just did!!!!!!!!!(PS. I
> > used a large type face so you could read it easily)
> > 
> > 


Intelligence not about humour just the grey matter

A QUIZThese are not trick questions.They are straight questions with
straight answers..

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the
participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for
several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every
year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear
inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is
genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters 'dw' and
they are all common words.. Name two of them. 7. There are 14
punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned,
processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with
the letter 'S...' 

Answers To Quiz:

1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants
know the score or the leader until the contest ends. Boxing

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward.. Niagara Falls
(The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the
millions of Gallons of water that rush over it every minute..)

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several
growing seasons . . Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside .. Strawberry.

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the
bottle. (The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and
are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the
entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at
the stems.)

6. Three English words beginning with dw Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. .Period, comma, colon,
semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point,
quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses..

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed,
cooked, or in any other form but fresh Lettuce..

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S'. 
Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes,
stockings, stilts.